Gridiron Gals
by Chrome Cougar
Summary: Candace "borrows" an inflatable suit made by her brothers and has Jenny wear it for a girls football game they will be playing in. Doofenshmirtz opens a snack bar to fund his projects.


Gridiron Gals

Written by:

Darren Heideman

Additional Material Written by:

Andrew Mantynen

[Open in the Flynn-Fletcher Home, where Linda and Lawrence walk into the living room, where Candace, Stacy, and Jenny are seated.]

Linda: Hi, girls. Ready for the football game today?

[Candace and her friends looked bummed out.]

Candace: Hey, Mom.

Linda: Well, what's wrong? You've been practicing all summer for it.

Candace: We were excited, that is, until we found out who we're going up against. The Capitol City Amazons.

Linda: Who?

Candace: Mom, you never heard of the Capitol City Amazons? The most dominate teenage girls football team in the entire Tri-State Area?

Linda: No, no I haven't. I take it they're good?

Candace: Good, they're unstoppable. Do you know what the Amazons did to the Prescott Pansies? They steamrolled them.

Jenny: They flattened the Wallaceburg Woodchucks.

Stacy: Heck, the Yancyfield Yellowbellies forfeited the second they heard they were scheduled to face them.

Linda: Girls, I'm sure you'll be fine. You just do your best, that's what counts. Now, your father and I will run a few errands before the game. And Jenny, we'll pick your dad up along the way and meet you girls there. Remember to feed Perry before you go, Candace.

Candace: Okay. Hey, where's Perry?

[We then see Perry already in his lair, where he is already being briefed.]

Monogram: Agent P, Dr. Doofenshmirtz's latest scheme has something to do with the girls' football game. Now, if it's anything that'll undermine women's athletics, that would just make him immature about the genetics of male and female demographics. Whatever it may be, get out there and put a stop to it.

[Perry exits.]

[Back in the house, Candace still sulks.]

Candace: We'd need a miracle to even stand a chance.

[Just then, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and the Fireside Girls, Django, Buford and Baljeet enter. Phineas is holding a yellow colored suit.]

Phineas: Hey, Candace. You want to check this out?

Candace: I've got too much to worry about to even think about busting you.

Stacy: I don't know, I have to admit I am curious.

[Stacy drags Candace over to the kids, with Jenny following. Ferb and Isabella then hold up the suit.]

Phineas: This is the Heavy Float Suit. It combines the fun of helium balloons and a bounce house. We created a lighter-than-air and were planning to try it out. With it, the wearer could possibly make higher leaps than normal and maybe a few other stunts.

[Candace suddenly seems interested in the suit.]

Candace: How does it work?

Phineas: (points to a valve attached to the front of the suit) By simply turning this valve, the gas is released and the suit expands. Twist the other way, and it deflates. We were gonna try it out, but...due to a slight error on the plans, we ended up actually making it too big for any of us to use.

Jenny: Well, that's a shame.

Phineas: Yeah, we're not sure what to do with it now.

Candace: Oh, can I hold on to it for you please?

Phineas: Sure. Here you go.

[Candace takes the suit.]

Phineas: Anyway, we're gonna get ready for the game.

Isabella: The Fireside Girls and I are going for our Junior Cheerleaders Patch.

Phineas: And we'll going to help out.

Candace: (dismissively) Mm-hm, sounds good. We'll see you there.

[Phineas shrugs and he and the other kids leave. Candace looks at the suit and gets an deviously inspired look on her face. Stacy and Jenny are instantly nervous.]

Stacy: Uh-oh, she's got that look in her eye.

Candace: Girls, our miracle has arrived. One of us wears this suit and use it to give us the edge we need.

Jenny: Wouldn't that be cheating?

Candace: Against the Capitol City team, no, no it wouldn't.

Stacy: Okay, but who's gonna wear it?

[Candace holds the suit up to her.]

Candace: Hmm, looks like it won't fit me. Stacy?

[Candace hands the suit to Stacy, who then holds it up to herself.]

Stacy: No, not me either. Of course, it really isn't my color anyway.

[Stacy hands it to Jenny, who holds it up to herself and it appears to be just her size.]

Jenny: You're not thinking of putting me in it, are you?

Candace: Yes. Yes, I am. Come on. Stacy, meet us outside.

[Candace drags Jenny into the other room. A couple minutes pass and Stacy waits outside. Candace exits, followed by Jenny, now donning the suit. Jenny looks like she is wearing a wetsuit.]

Candace: Try it out.

[Jenny twists the valve, causing the suit to inflate. Jenny shuts it off and looks herself over.]

Jenny: I think that would be perfect for defending against their brutal onslaught.

Stacy: That's right. But what about getting around the field? 

Candace: Phineas did say the wearer could do tall leaps maybe. So, give it a shot, Jenny.

[Jenny jumps, finding she can reach a to the top of the house. When she lands, Candace thinks of something else and feels the suit.]

Candace: Hmm. Hey, Stacy, grab her.

[Stacy complies and she and Candace grab and lift up Jenny, finding it very easy to do.]

Candace: I've got a few ideas. But first...

[Candace grabs Jenny's uniform and hands it to her.]

Candace: Just wear your uniform over it and we're set.

[Jenny deflates the suit and takes her uniform.]

[Cut to Candace, Stacy, and Jenny all wearing their uniforms. Candace adjusts Jenny's so that the valve sticks out, but is hidden under the number.]

Candace: And there. We are good to go.

[Jenny looks nervous and Stacy pats her on the shoulder.]

Stacy: Don't worry, Jenny, I'm pretty sure you'll be just fine.

[Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated]

Singers: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Vanessa: Dad! Where's my helmet?

[Vanessa is dressed in her football uniform, but searches for her helmet.]

Doofenshmirtz: I may have forgotten to pick it up. But, here, you can use this one.

[Doofenshmirtz holds up a German World War 1 era spiked helmet. Vanessa cocks an eyebrow as she takes it.]

[Perry then leaps in through the window and charges. Doofenshmirtz sprays butter for popcorn on the floor, causing Perry to slip. Taking this opportunity, he takes another bottle and sprays a mixture of taffy, caramel, and marshmallow cream.]

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, do you like my confectionery concoction that now contains you? Ooh, that was good, I gotta write that one down. (pulls out a pen and jots it down on a napkin) Anyway, let me explain my newest scheme. (pulls out a hand held device) Behold, the Flavor Boost-inator.

[He shows the inator, shaped like an ice cream cone.]

Doofenshmirtz: I've set up a snack bar at today's girl's football game, where I will sell snacks at slightly higher prices and with my earnings, fund future schemes. You might be wondering how I can pull this off, well it's really simple. With the Flavor Boost-inator, I will make my snack so addictive people will keep coming back for more and more, until they give me every cent they have.

Vanessa: Ahem. Can we get going?

[Cut to a football field. Candace, Stacy, and Jenny arrive, joining the rest of the team, which includes Mandy. Mrs. Johnson is the coach.]

Mrs. Johnson: All right, girls, you've put in a lot of practice, and tonight is the night. I know that the Capitol City team is tough, but remember, they're only human.

[As Mrs. Johnson continues her speech, Vanessa then joins the rest of the team and takes her place. Candace then spots Vanessa's helmet.]

Vanessa: (whispers) Yeah, I know. My dad didn't get me a normal one.

[We then cut to the snack bar that Doofenshmirtz has set up. Perry is sitting in the corner, still trapped, unable to do anything.]

Doofenshmirtz: Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus, it won't do any good. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe my first customer is coming.

[Beppo Brown steps up and looks over the menu.]

Beppo: Three hot dogs, three sodas, and three ice cream bars, please.

[Doofenshmirtz prepares the order and quickly blasts the food with his inator. He then gives the food to Beppo.]

Doofenshmirtz: Here you go. That'll be $18.50, please.

[Beppo is surprised by the price, but hands over the money.]

Beppo: I hope they're worth the price.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I think you'll be back for more.

[Beppo takes his order and goes.]

Announcer: (over loudspeaker) Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, and please welcome the Capitol City team.

[The Capitol City team comes in, rock music blaring and pyrotechnics exploding. The team takes the field.]

Mrs. Johnson: Well, that was a dramatic entrance. (turns to see the team are all nervous) Remember, girls, the important thing is to go out, do your best, and have a good time.

Mandy: And survive...

[Back in the stands, Beppo joins Linda and Lawrence and passes them their share of the food and they start eating.]

[The Danville players take the field, but Candace and Jenny sit on the bench.]

[On the sidelines, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, the Fireside Girls, Django, Baljeet, and Buford stand by. The girls are dressed in cheerleader uniforms.]

All kids: Here we go, Danville, here we go! Here we go, Danville, here we go!

[On the field, the Capitol City team gets the kickoff and the ball soars. Mandy gets the ball and starts to run, only to be taken down by three Capitol City players.]

Crowd: Oooohhhh...

Announcer: And that was a brutal start of the game.

[Mandy is dazed and is taken back to the bench.]

Mrs. Johnson: All right, Candace, Jenny, get in there.

[Candace and Jenny join the huddle. Candace nods to Jenny.]

Candace: Okay, Jenny, it's time to gas up.

[Jenny twists the valve, and the suit balloons out, making her appear muscular under her uniform. The other players, save for Stacy, are puzzled by what's happened.]

Candace: Okay, here's what we going to do.

[Candace quickly goes over the play and the Danville team takes their places. In the stands, Linda takes a closer look to Jenny.]

Linda: Beppo, I had no idea Jenny was that buff.

Beppo: Yeah, that surprises me. But something surprises me more, how good this stuff is.

Linda: Oh, I know, right? Stadium food usually isn't all that great, but here, it's delicious!

Lawrence: It's as if it came out of a chef academy.

[On the sidelines, Phineas, Ferb, and the others take notice of Jenny.]

Addison: Hey, Django, has your sister always looked like that?

Django: Huh, not that I've ever noticed.

[On the field, the next play is about to start.]

Capitol City Quarterback: Hut 1, Hut 2, hike!

[The play starts and the Capitol City Quarterback throws the ball to another of her team down-field. Suddenly, Jenny leaps and intercepts the ball. When she lands, she takes off, dodging the Capitol City players, actually leaping over one.]

Isabella: Django, I think your sister's wearing the Heavy Float Suit.

Django: I thought she looked more buff.

Phineas: Hey, cool, looks like it's working.

[Jenny throws the ball to Candace in the endzone, who catches it and Danville scores.]

Announcer: An amazing play by Danville, who takes an early lead.

[The crowd cheers. A shot of the scoreboard is shown, and Danville is in the lead, but soon Capitol City scores as well. Meanwhile, more and more people are tasting Doofenshmirtz's snacks.]

[At the start of another play, Jenny inflates her suit a little more. A Capitol City player gets the ball and runs full speed, and Jenny gets in her path. The Capitol City player is ready to push Jenny aside, however, Jenny stands in place and the Capitol City player slams into her but is bounced away by Jenny's inflated girth and losses the ball. Vanessa gets the ball, rushes to the endzone, is tackled, but gets the ball in and scores.]

[Back in the stands, Linda, Lawrence, and Beppo have finished their order, but fidget as cravings hit them.]

Linda: I'll get more snacks.

Lawrence: I'll go with you.

Beppo: And me.

[Linda, Lawrence, and Beppo all go the snack bar, as well as a number of other spectators. As Doofenshmirtz fills more orders, he keeps using his inator.]

[In another play, Capitol City scores again. In the play that follows, Mandy in back on the field as it starts. Candace and Stacy literally launch Jenny over the Capitol City players. Jenny then throws the ball to Mandy, who then gets it into the endzone and scores.]

[Another play is about to start, with Capitol City attempting a field goal. A player goes for the kick, but Jenny is launched again and she intercepts again. However, this time, she gets tackled.]

Capitol City Quarterback: All right, focus on #0, and get ready for her to do...whatever she's been doing.

[The Capitol City players take their places.]

Candace: Hut 1, hut 2, hike!

[The play starts, and as Jenny gets the ball, half of the Capitol City players climb onto the shoulders of the other half.]

Announcer: Are they playing football, or a game of Chicken?

[Candace starts to look like she'll launch Jenny again, but at the last second Jenny instead passes the ball to Stacy. Stacy rushes past the Capitol City players, who try to stop her, but topple, and Stacy scores a touchdown. By this time, everyone in the crowd as sampled Doofenshmirtz's snacks.]

[At the snack bar, Doofenshmirtz continues to sell his enhanced snacks and he earns more and more money. As his watches, Perry spots a heat lamp being used to keep food warm nearby. He gets an idea and slowly creeps over towards it, grabs the cord with his teeth, and tugs the heat lamp into a position where it is on him. Slowly the confectionery mix covering him starts to melt.]

[Some more time goes by and on the scoreboard, the scores go up, but with the Capitol City team having the slight edge. As the final minute of play is on the clock, Danville just needs to score one touchdown in order to overtake Capitol City and win the game.]

[However, the stands are empty as literally everyone is in line for Doofenshmirtz's snack bar.]

Announcer: For everyone, and I mean everyone, waiting in line at the snack bar, listen up. It's the last play for Danville, this win or lose the game for them.

[On the field, Candace and the others go over the play.]

Candace: Okay, we just do like we have been, and we got this.

[The others take their places, but Candace waits and looks at Jenny.]

Candace: You're looking flabby, Jenny. You'd better pump back up a little bit. (goes to take her place in line)

[Jenny goes to adjust the valve, but ends up breaking it off. She tires to somehow fix it, but it is too late. The sounds of air hissing and stretching rubber accompany the suit inflating uncontrollably.]

[There is a quick cut to Phineas, Ferb, and the others. They all get shocked looks on their faces.]

Candace: Hut 1, hut 2, hike!

[The play starts and Candace goes to pass the ball to Jenny, but freezes in shock. Jenny is now like a giant ball due to the suit's over-inflation. She does a sort of waddle-hop as she moves while everyone stops and stares at her. She takes the ball from Candace and makes her way down the field before two of the Capitol City's players snap out of it and try to tackle her. However, they send her flying.]

Jenny: Help!

[Jenny lands, but bounces, going airborne once more.]

Jenny: Candace! Stacy!

[As she is about to land again, a Capitol City player shoves her, launching her back towards the other players.]

[Jenny gets hit about like a volleyball between the players of both teams. Phineas, Ferb, and their friends watch as she is batted back and forth.]

Ferb: We've gone from a game of American football to a game of volleyball.

Django: Hey, that "volleyball" is my sister!

Ferb: You're right, sorry.

[Jenny get pushed back and forth until she goes off to the side and as she comes down Candace and Stacy are able to catch her. They run towards the endzone, carrying her.]

Announcer: It's Flynn and Hirano with Brown! They're at the 20 yard line, the 15, the 10!

[Two of the Capitol City players tackle Candace and Stacy, while a third grabs Jenny and carries her back down field.]

Announcer: They're at the 15, the 20, the 25!

[Mandy stops the Capitol City player, and again it becomes a free-for-all as both teams fight over Jenny.]

[Vanessa is shoved by a Capitol City player and the spike on her helmet punctures Jenny's suit. Air shoots out from the hole and Jenny shoots off like a deflating balloon. Jenny screams as she zips around, and players from both teams as well as referees duck and dive out of the way as she goes by.]

Stacy: She's just flying by out of control! It's like something out of a bad cartoon!

Candace: At least she's almost out. I just wonder where she's gonna land. 

[The last of the air wheezes out of the suit and Jenny crash-lands into the endzone. The clock runs down and the game is over, with Danville winning. The crowd at the snack bar hears and moan when they realize they've missed what they think was an amazing play.]

Doofenshmirtz: Well folks, game's over. (closes the window to the snack bar)

[Back on the field everyone cheers as Candace and Stacy reach Jenny, who is dizzy.]

Candace: Jenny, you okay?

Jenny: Oh, what happened?

Stacy: We won. We actually won!

[Phineas, Ferb, and their friends reach them, with Django giving his sister a pat on the back.]

Phineas: Congratulations. And thanks for showing the suit did work, albeit with a slight malfunction.

[Candace then has an expression of remorse on her face when she spots the hole in the suit.]

Candace: Um, hey, sorry for taking your suit. Now it's ruined.

Phineas: The suit's fixable, it's just good that Jenny is okay. Besides, like I said, you showed it worked, so it's all good.

[Back at the snack bar, Perry is finally free, but it's too late. Doofenshmirtz closes up shop and holds up a box filled with money.]

Doofenshmirtz: My total earnings are...$4328.03. It'll be enough to fund at least a smaller inator, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it.

Officer: Pardon me, sir, but did you have the proper permit for this snack shack?

Doofenshmirtz: Um...permit?

Officer: An unauthorized snack bar carries heavy fines, sir. Lack of a permit, no certification from a health inspector, and several other offenses. You're going have to pay up, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: How much?

Officer: $4328.03.

[Doofenshmirtz groans and hands over all the money.]

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, non-solicitation rules.

[Perry then dashes off.]

[Back on the field, Linda, Lawrence, and Beppo meet with Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and the others.]

Beppo: You all did great out there. Especially you, Jenny. (hugs his daughter)

[Perry, in his pet mode, joins everyone.]

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. Why are you so sticky? Did someone spill their snacks on you?


End file.
